When there is a language barrier to take account of is, as I have explained at length previously, quite a lot. Most things, in fact, stay funny only within the language, culture and time they were originally created for (and before you go on about South Park or Monty Python or whatever, bear in mind they are largely funny only because people are aware of the culture they grew out of. How many Albanian sitcoms make it abroad? Please also take my word for it that, if one can only read the subtitles and not understand the spoken English, they are a lot less funny. There is just no way you can really accurately translate, “Respect mah authoritah!”)
But for all the pathos of untranslatable belly-laughs, this should also, in the name of fairness, and because it is bloody hilarious, be committed for posterity: the very language barrier that stops international larf and understanding also provides an incredible amount of entertainment.
I recently finally made it through 180 notebooks of summer holiday diaries written by Japanese 8th and 9th graders. Recording the most absurdist of these was the only thing that stopped me from stabbing a red pen through my neck, or at least, Harry Potter style, through the devilled diary writings of these Tom Riddles. Seriously, if I knew what a student was on about only half the time, I would consistently give them a “Great English!” comment. And mean it. Everything is relative, as I hope the following snippets will show (I have tried to categorise them, inasmuch as the incomprehensible can be categorised):
Some are just plain gross…
“I wanked to school.”
“I took the bog for a walk.”
Some are Scandinavian themed (maybe in my honour?)
“I got up at sven.”
“We played boring. it’s interesting. We had vikings. it’s very yummy.”
Explanation, if you’re sure you want to spoil its wonder: "Boring" is bowling (Japanese people have issues with distinguishing l from r). “Interesting” is the most commonly used translation for the Japanese word “omoshiroi,” which however, covers anything that you enjoy, be it philosophical discourse or a farting contest. Thus in this case, “fun” would probably have been a better choice of word.
“Viking” is, for reasons lost in the mist of history, the Japanese term for an all-you-can-eat buffet. And “it” harks back to the lack of pronouns in Japanese. The fact that English, unlike Japanese, cannot usually do away with pronouns is not sufficiently explained to these young learners. Nor is the fact that words such as "it's," "I," "they," or "because," are NOT interchangeable.
This is sad for those hoping to speak English. It is however extremely jolly for me. Like the one kid who finishes each and every entry with, ”I was very pleasant.” This is especially funny since this particular kid is a raving blabbermouth full of (seemingly) unmedicated ADHD.
Some are homoerotic…
“The Gasshuku very hard because we run time very long. But after practice in a bath very interesting.”
“There were a lot of people who fag away.”
And this one about a substitute sports coach:
“He looked sick. But, very nice gay!”
Some are horrific, each a Stephen King book synopsis…
“I didn’t have dreadfast.”
“I had an underful good time. It was ideal. I like fear!”
“I played toy with the baby.”
Some are dadaistic absurdist comedic musings…
“My mother got angry when she saw my school report. My school report is bat. My brother’s school report was bat, too. (…) I was sad. Why is my school report bat?”
“I played catch outside today. A ball became it without three.”
“I enjoyed going by train. But I didn’t enjoy studing. But I want to try hard because I am an entrance examination.”
“I played bouring. I can play bouring very well. But Ms. Mariko is weller than I. But I am weller than Mr. Muramoto. Mr. Muramoto is the best can’t play bouring!!”
“I went to the alumni association. It was glad to meet friends. I bored it. I enjoyed it very much.”
“We ware an apple. It’s very good!”
“The sweat was pouring off the we”
“I made a friend and Billy free. I worked as everybody hard. But I have suffered from a muscular pain. Billy does not want to do it anymore.”
This last one puzzled me for ages, as the diary made no other mention of who this “Billy,” hardly a common name in Japan, was. I finally realized it was referring to Billy’s Boot Camp, a very popular course of strenuous exercise. The final line is probably explained again by the Japanese language’s lack of personal pronouns (at least I hope it is), and should most likely be understood as “I don’t want to do Billy’s Boot Camp anymore.” I still have no idea what the first sentence is meant to imply, however, although I do find it quite poetic.
Some are sweet and cutesy…
“I went to a cream school at two fifty.”
(Much cuddlier than the very real horror of the Japanese cram school, the juku.)
“We studied English. We were fighting.”
(This sounds intense, but it’s not. This kid was trying to translate
the untranslatable Japanese verb gambaru, which means something like,
“trying very hard” but for some reason tends to be translated as
“fighting”. Which it never is. Baseball teams, sumo players and warring
countries don’t gambaru any more than students fence with their
mechanical pencils behind notebook fortresses.)
Some are cheeky…
“The English test is easy? Or difficult?”
(Nothing wrong here; you have to give someone credit when they actually make you laugh intentionally.)
“I played study math.”
“I went to Ayane’s house to play Ayane’s birthday party.”
Some are frankly beautiful, if incomprehensible, eulogies of youth, life or whatever…
“In a child society, I walked from a city hall to the peaceful park on flat day. Because it was from 8:00, I was sleepy. I arrived at 13:00. I was tired and seemed to die.”
“I went for ache my tree festival with a friend today.”
I guess this student didn’t, as this entry suggest, commit collective suicide, because she was obviously alive to tell the tale:
“I went to the building with my friends. We were coll off. I fell great.”
But I leave you with the one that literally sent shivers down my spine, Psycho style…
“Grandmother was waiting for you at the home.”
All of which, I hope you'll agree, is a lot funnier than this nasty exercise. Which brings us back to where we started. Even when the language is the same, the humour still does not travel.
