hallelujah not here to bore you

Procrastination

Thy name is a laughing Shingo .gif wall.

 

   

 

I am not going mad, I think. Just have a day off that I was meant to spend cleaning. Instead I ended up watching The Times of Harvey Milk, so I don't think I can be blamed for needing this.

Shingo laughs

...from the happy times of February 16's SMAPxSMAP:

When I grow up to be a woman, I wanna be just like Shingo. In some ways I think I already am. I mean, I know I'll never be as pretty:

But I think our sartorial sense is pretty similar, and I know I pretty much have the walk down pat:

 

And of course, Shingo is the funniest human being to ever have existed and this is the funniest bit of television in the history of television.

Have literally been watching this at least once a day recently. And probably will keep doing so for the foreseeable future. Japanese mayonnaise, making fun of Gackt, gender ambiguity, and the most beautiful woman in the world. There is no blues this clip can't cure.

(Thanks to Sarah for the link.)

BONUS. The quality is awful, but worth it for the comments alone:

"Shingo mama is the absolute cutest thing that ever lived!!!! I <3 him!!!!"

And best of all:

"If I ever have kids, they won't be allowed to watch anything that doesn't have Shingo Mama in it."

Oh, rotothirteen, if your account hadn't been suspended I would totally propose we had those kids already!

That was fast

Barely waiting for the metaphorical corpse of Kusanagi's reputation to get cold, the Communications Minister who said such harsh things about him (although he later retracted), today revealed a new mascot to take over the digital TV changeover campaign.

Called Chidejika (地デジカ), a typical Japanese pun on the words for "digital changeover" (地デジ化 - chidejika) and deer (シカ - shika), the thing was clearly something they had stuffed far in the drawer of binned ideas and had now dragged out, taken to the dry-cleaner's to get rid of the booze stains from the last office party, and paraded like it was something. For shame. And I like deer.

In other news, Ohnotheydidn't brings us this gem from the early morning of the scandal. They actually did make a model of the neighbourhood, complete with a helpless, out-of-scale, boardgame marker and police car. Can't decide if it's sad or sweet.

the model
Uploaded by gariisenab

I know who is both, though. Shingo looked very sad again today, and also very, very sweet.

(From today's Waratte Ii Tomo)

Shingo cries

And apologises on behalf of Kusanagi on last night's SmaStation. He seemed genuinely distressed, and he looked like he'd been crying (and/or drinking, not sleeping, sleeping too much, overeating, or all of the above, which are all known Shingo traits).

(EDIT: Was youTube but Asahi TV did not appreciate my translation efforts to help the image of their star, so whatever, now it's on Vimeo.)
Apology from smappuron on Vimeo.

Poor bastard. I subtitled it, trying to stay true to the clumsy nature of the Japanese. Kisses to both, and I do hope Tsyupon returns soon too. SMAP Bistro without the Shingo/Kusanagi pair? Boredom on a stick.

And just because it really might be an age or two before we see anything like it again, here they are in all their loveliness:

Ah come back, Japanland is boring without you!

The last word on the matter

For now at least:

Dorama World

This blog puts me to shame, well-composed updates based on a conglomerate of news sources, as well as what looks like a full translation of the press conference. Go here for details.

...And now I'm sad

The more is revealed about this incident, the more it actually looks likely that Kusanagi is, indeed, in love with Shingo, and it's not fun or sweet at all, it is deeply, deeply sad.

I mean it doesn't really mean anything for sure, but why did he call out for Shingo in the park? (As per eye-witness). Why did he once get drunk and strip down to his underpants in his flat in the company of Shingo alone? And why was Shingo the last one he called after his release yesterday? (Both as per press conference last night).

The last one is the most disturbing. It's well known they are very close friends. So why call him last of all the members? Because he knows he will get support and wants to finish on that high? Because he wants time to talk and not worry about the next call? Or because he is more scared of what Shingo will think than any other? What is it with Shingo? And how will he be on SmaStation tonight?

And finally, while the press is silent about this, the blogosphere is overflowing with the fact that the park where Kusanagi got naked is a "hattenba" (発展場), a cruising spot. This article from ZakZak (whatever that is) says that a gay magazine has denied any knowledge of this being the case.

However, as a commenter on this gay chatroom (NSFW, whether you understand Japanese or not, there are pictures!) says,

夜中の三時に公園で全裸で
慎吾～慎吾～
普通の男は言わないわな

"A regular man would not shout "Shingo Shingo" whilst naked in a park at 3 am." I have to agree (although I probably would, but then I am not a regular man).

It is certainly not unlikely that there is love here, and love that dares not speak it's name, and that is just really fucking sad. Please, no more tragic gay love stories, and no more Brokeback. Shingo and Kusanagi, just follow your bliss already. I know it's not about the money, but about public condemnation, a truly scary thing in Japan.

But man, if this really is true, it's just too heartbreaking. And what is heartbreaking is the silence. If the press would just be open about it, then Kusanagi could be like, yeah, I'm gay and i totally fancy Shingo. I mean, you all knew that already, anyway. Ha ha come on!! Who doesn't?

He could do a George Michael, basically, complete with naked drunk policeman music video about six months from now: "Let's go to the park, in the moonshine" (and what an awesome video and statement that really was. Bloody great, George, greater than I appreciated at the time, buried in my boring indie teenage angst).

But for Kusanagi, no such release. It's just more silence, more repression, further shame.
Man that awful word "hazukashii." Kusanagi said:

”大人として恥ずかしい行動を起こしてしまった”

"Otona ni toshite hazukashii koudou wo okoshite shimatta" ("I did something very embarrassing considering I am an adult"). What is embarrassing? What is wrong with being naked? And what is wrong with being gay, if indeed he is?  (And btw, according to Tokyo Sports the "what's wrong with being naked" t-shirt is already doing "baka" (=crazy) sales. which makes me want to make one of the latter, although i fear the sales wont be there).

Instead it's all about the sake (=drinking). At the press conference they asked him, "What are you gonna do about the sake?" But it's not the sake's fault! It's like the great Danish playwright Holberg almost said, "Everyone is complaining how much Kusanagi is drinking but no one is asking WHY Kusanagi is drinking."

If it really is a case of in (rice) vino veritas it's just too sad.

I know this should be like a dream for me, there really is a deep love between Kusanagi, or, perhaps, unrequited love from Kusanagi towards Shingo, but now that it seems like my fancy imaginings were spot on, it's just devastating. Because its NOT AT ALL BAD, yet he's so sad about it and so ashamed, and shame and sadness when none is due is the saddest thing because it's due often enough without us needing to add extra to it.

This is so depressing.

Uh japan!  It's not that homophobia doesn't exist elsewhere, and sure it's probably even a worse monster in baka-religious US where it's all murder and shit, but man, bad is bad, let's not start talking about degrees of awful. And it's like, at least the US and the UK have some sort of cultural hang-up about this, but Japan doesn't. So it's even sadder when they import this silliness.

And I know boybands aren't meant to marry full stop, but hey, almost all successful boybands (New Kids, Boyzone, and N-Sync) have had  more or less openly gay members, even if it's after the fact.

And you know, Ian bloody Buruma, yeah being gay is not deemed as "wrong" as long as you live up to societal norms "like getting married" BUT THAT STILL FUCKING SUCKS! And also Anne Allison, I know that there was that one night hostess who was openly gay and the customers all knew and didn't care as long as she did a good job of pretending. And yeah it's different from attitudes elsewhere. But it's not cool.

Oh I just want to give Kusanagi a big hug and Shingo too although now I'm confused because according to this article he is in a long-term secret heterosexual relationship, complete with 2-year-old lovechild and all. Ah heterosexual love and its trail of little unplanned humans. So romantic!

I'm  just confused and very, very sad. It was cute and lovely when it wasn't real, but it's real, it's almost definitely real. And it's just awful. Truly in the words of Kusanagi at the press conference, つらいです (tsurai desu). It's heart-breaking.

To end: just because it would be too sad otherwise and at least it reminded me of this bloody beautiful song that I can finally admit to liking, in spite of its bland pop 80s feel:

The mighty booze

The press conference from tonight's NHK News at 9:

Bless the poor dear, he looks so sad. And it was just so not a big deal. Oh man to be famous, especially famous like these guys, must truly be a form of hell. I mean they even searched his house. What the hell for? What could they possibly expect to find that could determine a "motive for the stripping act"? What "more details" where they looking for and why? Seriously dodgy unpleasant shit. Someone should have just put him in a blanket, taken him home, fed him soup and called Shingo.

Much as I make fun of these guys, it comes from a place of deep love. Well, at least where Kusanagi and Shingo are concerned. Really don't care about the others. Kusanagi get better ne.

The good news is, he will probably not have to suffer this for too long. As many a Japanologist will testify, Japanese culture usually classifies drunken misdemeanors as childishly adorable and easily forgiven, rather than as disgusting indulgence. There is no stigma at all to getting drunk or enjoying alcohol unlike either Denmark, the UK or the US. Most people in those countries do enjoy going for a drink (and probably drink way more than the average Japanese) but if someone asks you, "Do you like alcohol?" you'd assume they were implying that you have a problem.

Not so here, where it's a common question, especially among the newly acquainted. And it is exactly what it is on the surface. They simply want to find out if you can go for a drink sometime. In a culture that insists on form and correct behaviour as well as on a lot of reticence, alcohol is an accepted and crucial tool in forming and cementing personal relationships. It certainly is in other cultures too (how much less sex we'd all have without it, right? Tell me that's not just me). Japan is just refreshingly honest about it.

This open appreciation of the power of alcohol also leads to a much easier acceptance of its bad sides - at least the harmless ones like getting drunk and naked in a park at 3 am, singing Korean songs and shouting "Shingo~" at the top of one's voice (the latter being according to the April 24 Sports Nippon. Again, bless.)

Basically, the fact that one is incapable of responsibility is what is focused on, and not the fact that one is responsible for getting in that state in the first place. Wrote Ian Buruma in A Japanese Mirror:

^{“The treatment of young children is in a way similar to that of drunks and foreigners. They are not held socially responsible for anything they do or say, for they know no shame. They must be pampered not punished. This wonderful state of grace is one good reason for foreigners to live in Japan and Japanese males to spend much of their non-working hours in a state of inebration or even, if necessary, to fake it.”} 

And indeed, judging by the newscasters' comments at the end, it looks like Japan is inclined to forgive and forget. Even the communications minister who called him the lowest of the low (because you know, Kusanagi is asking a big favour of the public and only people who never get drunk or naked can do that, or something). After all, he did have ten units of alcohol. You can't possibly be expected to know what you're doing after a whiskyful jar like that.

BONUS:  You've had Japanese, English and Korean, now watch the Kusanagi news in Japanese sign language. Try to find the signs (in the following order) for arrest (looks like handcuffs), drunk (obvious) and naked (looks like flinging one's top off in an excited movement). This language is so awesome.

ShuwaNews from smappuron on Vimeo.

What's wrong with being naked?

Nothing. Nothing at all, Kusanagi-chan. Literally.

And I hope, in spite of your arrest, the general attitude to your drunken and naked shenanigans last night in a Tokyo park are like those I witnessed this morning. On the 8 am ferry to Miyajima it's mainly commuters onboard (except for some way-too-genki oap tourists) so they always have the TV on.

This morning I sat behind two middle-aged ladies (what in Japanese is an "obasan," an aunt), and as the Kusanagi piece came on they just started chuckling heartily and by the time the ferry was docking they still hadn't finished.

Watch what they had to say on NHK news at 7 pm, April 24th (today). It's bilingual, so turn up the RIGHT speaker for English.

Tired and emotional from smappuron on Vimeo.

Most adorable thing? He'd had ten units over a period of six hours! Barely any alcohol in his blood and he does this! I will never stop fiding the ludicrous leight-weightness of the Japanese drinker endlessly adorable. Like the eternal penchant for sleeping. Japan's love is just one more UP! (And look at that, crazy Engrish salad out of mine own hands).

BONUS: In Korean. Trust me, it's worth it for

A: The newscaster's outfit.

B: The still shot at 0:44.

C: The way she delivers the story, especially:

        0:25 Shingo de yonendeyo!

Bullies

This is exactly what I felt like at my awful old job. Once I have left Hiroshima for good I will talk more freely about it all (because my boss there actually threatened me, mafia style, that if I did anything bad to her "I would never work in this city again").

But this, basically, was my experience after the short honeymoon period was over and until I quit four months later. Scientology and my former boss. So much in common.

Substitute "religious bigot" with "selfish person for asking to be paid your salary and for lunch breaks" (and no, I don't mean PAID lunch break, I just mean a 30 minute unpaid break in an 8 hour stretch of lessons so I can actually eat something).

And for my reply, substitute all Tory's stuff with, "no, I just want money so I can pay my rent and don't have to leave Japan, breaks so I can eat and have more energy to teach better lessons, and I kind of thought if everyone here spoke up, things wouldn't continue they way they have till now."

Sad thing is, they did. Some very nice people are still working at that place, one of whom I know hates me even though I never meant her any harm.

The good thing is, Tory is right. There are very few bullies. My work now is full of shiny lovely people. Best policy is just to get as far away from the bullies as possible. And laugh.

Quietly hostile

Much to see as always yesterday, but since I am really tired, I will let the pictures speak for themselves tonight:

More Grim Kimu:

I KNOW he's intentionally trying to be gross here, but seriously. What is with that hair? He totally looks like a lady. A pretty awesome lady, but still. For once the kliché about Japanese boys (they look like girls) is true:

But like I said, kinda awesome. Kinda like Leela, which sort of works since Shingo has more than a touch of Fry about him. He is obviously just bored because KimuT is waxing lyrical about something he doesn't understand, but this makes him look intelligent for not soaking up his wank and this is what is awesome about the Shing-chan.

KT done with, now for Nakai silliness.

I mean, are you serious?

Is it better to be bald than to look like a 2-year-old? Apparently not.

Is it better to retire with dignity than to smack your own bum wearing a kindergarten outing outfit at age 36? Apparently not.

Cuteness did arrive though, on the left here:

These guys are in a band called Yuzu, and they appropriately dressed in citrus colours. I like. As I do the superkawaii background for their performance, old video games as above, or buses for this song entitled "Sayonara Bus". Bless!

Oh and why all these men?

  

No, it's not some baseball team. It's a comedy toupe (sorry, troupe, of course, but considering Nakai and his "waiter's hair's" presence here, it was just too good a typo to delete). Yeah women aren't funny. This shit makes me so fucking sad. Trust me, these peeps weren't that funny. If there were more women in comedy, music, every fucking thing, some of these shit guys would be out of a job and the general level would be must higher. Best antidiscrimination argument ever: it makes stuff better! Not just in a boring ethical way but in a proper quality, more bidders for the price, fiercer competition, better talent kind of way.

And also, if there were more women around, Kimutaku wouldn't get away with his disgusting sexual harassment of the ONLY WOMAN on the entire set:

 

"It looks like you're on a date."

Nice one, Kimu. Way to make a girl feel comfortable.

 

This is of course the Japanese smile that says "Guess how much I hate your guts right now."

These are not. These are smiles of eternal happiness and bliss:

 

And all is well with the world again.

Just to make it clear. Who does Shingo like and who does he hate?

Shingo: It's all about the way he bumps.